28th November 2008

November 29, 2008

This must certainly rank as an extraordinary day in my life, so also for the lives of others. I was very sad at the news of terror attacks, and was particularly distressed by the fact that terrorists were still hidden, and the notion that Taj was cleared of them was found hollow. However, I was also distressed by her, and her statement that she didn’t love me, and was still waiting for that someone special in her life. But all this had to happen, isn’t it?

Terror. All criticize terror attacks, and so do I. But while all are angry about it, it’s because of a sense of desperation that they can’t do a hell about it. They ask questions about intelligence, and the police. But where are these questions when we are living in peace times, like after this siege ends? Who is going to take politicians to task for not properly recruiting intelligence staff, and ensuring that there are no shortages in these? Who is going to ensure that people are encouraged to take up army jobs and even becoming NSG commandos, so that we can have people with good physical strength to take up such things? And equally speaking, when will we put pressure on our governments to improve our police system? When will the elections be fought on issues like police, judicial and military reform in our country? Aren’t they important.

Friends were angry around me. They said let’s be firm and root out terrorism. But what are the options before us? Nuclear bombing Pakistan and finishing it for ever? Or is it attacking terrorist camps across the border and bombing them? Will Pakistan ever accept that? Or does that mean covert attacks by our intelligence agencies on their lands, even their army cantonments and some terror camps? Would it be just strengthening of our intelligence, which may reduce the number of attacks, but not necessarily their intensity? And our intelligence is still managing to reduce them going ahead by the number of arrests made. Would it be just sitting idle? Would it be POTA or MCOCA which would deter them from going ahead by these plans? Would it be judicial reform and sorting out cases within 2-3 years so that problems can be resolved? Nobody has a proper answer to it. People can suggest motives and other methods as well, but the fact is that there is no complete solution to it.

Such a strange situation. But nobody realizes these things won’t necessarily work. Just because Pakistan stops terror camps doesn’t mean people will stop feeling alienated. Let us accept that  there is a section in both Indian Muslims and Indian Hindus who feel alienated. They feel that the other is being appeased regularly. They think they have been meted out injustice. And more importantly they feel that democracy has not provided them the channel or the outlet to correct that injustice. And hence they are resorting to such attacks. First by Muslims. Now by Hindus. And this is not Islamic or Hindu terrorism. This is desperation to solve the problem by force at any cost, for after all if patience and non-violence has not worked, then ultimately it’s believed force will work.

So what to do? Some say cut the terrorists. But what about those who are ready to die? Some say give them a brutal death or death punishment. That certainly won’t work. Some say treat them brutally throughout their life. They are prepared to bear that assault. And anyways, what if some plane is hijacked and they are asked for as a demand? Why not kill them then. All these questions are missing one thing: killing terrorists is certainly not the solution. They won’t understand. And it wont’ help. Then what will, is the question.

Simple. Stop killing terrorists. Killing them means they will be celebrated as shaheeds and will be allowed to do as they wish. The best thing is this. Let them be forced to see the Indian society at large. Let them see how Hindus and Muslims co-exist together with each other in villages and cities of India. Let them see how people of these two religions celebrate their festivals together. Let them see the positive aspects of Hindu – Muslim unity as well, now that they have seen human right violations of India and the Gujarat riots. Let them see that what they are striving for is certainly not the case by and large. People vehemently oppose the Gujarat riots, even in Gujarat, even if Narendra Modi wins 1000 elections there. The fact remains that. And India is secular. These people have not seen it, so they should be forced to see that.j

I know some may call me childish. But this is the only way to stop terror. If terrorists realize that the mission they are fighting for is flawed, and can be corrected within the borders of democracy, automatically they will stop using guns. And then is when Pakistan’s ISI is in danger. For everytime, they can only send Pakistanis to come here and fight. And we can stop Pakistanis any day. But this is the beginning to stop home grown terrorism. I know it’s risky. They can escape as well. It would involve security costs. But that is better than imposing the cost of terror on India. And who knows, as Gandhi himself had said, every man can reform himself/herself, how so ever much he/she had become bad. Why not give them a chance. If they still don’t improve, let them be in prisons or face death penalty. But let us at least try this out as well. Who knows, they may give proper details of Pakistani camps and we can put them up in international arena to pressurize Pakistan. They may denounce Pakistan for using them for its selfish purpose, and accept that they did wrong. And they may help us and become better human beings, which is the most important thing.

If we can try out POTA, I beg of the establishment to try out this as well. Let that alienation feeling go away, only then can we stop terror. Killing them or flushing them out won’t stop it, but unfortunately create shaheeds. Of course, flushing out will still be done in such cases, but our mission can go on as I have stated.

On a personal note, she said she doesn’t love me. And I was both sad and happy. Sad that she didn’t love me. I felt my life would be incomplete without her, and still feel the same. I still hope she will accept me. But that hope will slowly recede by the day. And I know actually speaking, she is right. After all, anybody would love X if that X can understand that anybody, and X would love that anybody if that anybody understands X. She can understand me, but what about me understanding her? I have failed massively on that count and have made terrible blunders as a result of that. And that has been the sole reason for my failure.

Of course my nature makes it very tough for me to understand people, but then at least I should not expect girls to understand me if I can’t understand them. Same goes for boys as well. Infact for friends to a large extent. However, I was happy that my feeling had not gone away for her. I still adore her. I still feel it would be great to have her in my life. I would be the most happiest if she says that she loves me. And I would even be more happier when I would marry her. But of course, all that happens in dreams. That will not be the reality. I am happy that she is my friend even now, although I hurt her like anything. But finally speaking, my past has caught up with me. Of course, the doubt was there earlier that she didn’t love me. Now it’s proven, and it’s a big shock. However, I can just hope that she comes back to me.

However, she is in my dreams, my feelings and emotions, my behavior which I have been trying to change, and I can understand her position. Still, I like her a lot and as I think, I do love her. I will try to do as much as I can for her, irrespective of what her reaction is. I would only hope to not hurt her any more. And certainly, I have to help her whenever she asks for it. After all, friends we are and that duty is bound on us. And I only hope I have the strength to remain positive, and learn from my mistakes, and certainly give me the patience to do all things, even face her music and anger at me calmly. That would be a great help.

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The First Post

November 18, 2008

hmm…..i don’t realize what struck me to write this, more so as i have decided not to disclose that this blog is mine to almost all my ‘friends’. one may wonder why i refer to friends as ‘friends’. they say one should disclose what he or she is. and also one’s feelings. which is what i adhere to as i write this. anyways, i am not expecting anyone to know about it.

my life. i don’t know what to say about it. it can be an endless story in itself, or it can simply be described as something which is too minor to be spoken about. infact such is the story of anybody’s life. but then, each life has its own story. and it continues. and as one reads these lines, he/she would realize that i am confused. about my life. about my destiny. about my love. about my ‘friends’. about my feelings. and certainly about myself.

friends. friendship is really a great thing to possess. in the ‘modern age of information technology’, it’s great to have friends, because they are the ones you look to in times of help. for me, such definitions are only going to help making philosophies. earlier i thought that nobody thought of me as a friend, and later i realized why. because i don’t consider anyone as friend at all. at least my behavior is certainly not the way i should.

one may ask, what is that. well, it includes my suspicions all the time on them, ranging from whether they may not fuck any possible girlfriend of me, or the girl who i feel i love now (Now that’s another part of the story), or even on other issues. such has been my mistrust on them, that i realize i certainly can’t be trusted to be normal. and so, they think of me as ‘abnormal’.as for the girl i love, i am gone. i made her angry, even suspected her to be cheating on me, or may be getting seduced by some of the friends, and the end result is that she has stopped speaking to me (there was a fight thanks to me). now i don’t know whether the talk i had with her a few days back is final or not. and anyways, she knows she doesn’t love me. she did see hope in me, now it’s all gone.

so what all have i done? drove away people from me. probably that’s what i am good at. driving people away, crazy isn’t it? probably sucks, and i know that. so i don’t publicize it in any way. it’s for me after all. and yes, i want to end it by things i would never have the courage to say in person.

i am truly sorry a, for having mistrusted u. u were trustworthy, and it was a failure on my part to recognize that. d, maaf kar de. tujh par chillakar maine galtiyan ki. i never wanted that. p, i am sorry for the status messages, and the kind of language i used whenever i talked to u. and i am sorry for all those who were hurt by me indirectly or directly, including my parents and relatives including siblings.

finally. why this blog?

because i have realized i am paining people. because i am talking to myself through this. because i now want to stop paining them. and if it means being alone, so be it. infact, it helps stop paining them. and as i hope god helps me survive this period of separateness from world in some sense, i end it by two things

1) waqt stands for the ingredient i am hoping will heal my wounds.

2) i wanted my post name to be ekla chalo re. i don’t want to discuss things for others. this is for me and not for others. so u can comment and i will ignore them, unless they are very good or very useful.

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November 18, 2008

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